Last weekend, I finally got to spend time with my best friend from high school. It was long overdue.

Our lives have taken different paths over the years. We weren’t always on the same timeline when it came to getting married, having children, buying homes, or navigating professional responsibilities. And although we’ve tried to stay connected, life has often gotten in the way.

But here’s what I love about our friendship. No matter how much time passes, we pick up right where we left off.

We have stories. Lots of them.

Stories from our teenage years, when we were growing, learning, making mistakes, and figuring out who we were becoming. Stories from college, when I would travel from New York to visit her at the University of Miami. Stories that still make us laugh because we lived them together.

Those stories belong to us. And the time and space between our visits haven’t changed that.

Not every connection has to look the same.

A Different Way to Think About Relationships

I’ve been a fan of organizational psychologist Adam Grant’s work for years. His book Hidden Potential had a tremendous impact on my growth as a human being, parent, and educator. So much so that I have used many of his quotes in my own book and in my weekly writing to frame my thinking.

So, when I received his new book, Vibe, and discovered he was a guest on The Mel Robbins Podcast, I couldn’t wait to listen.

Once again, surprise… I found myself inspired by Grant’s work.

During their conversation, Grant brilliantly described three types of connections we experience in relationships:

• Allies share our goals. We’re working toward something together.
• Pals share our interests. We enjoy spending time together.
• Companions share our values. We genuinely care about one another.

These connections can overlap, but they don’t have to. Wow. How powerful is that?

As Mel Robbins reflected on Grant’s framework, she shared how it allows us to “accept people as they are and as they’re not.”

Let that sit for a minute. Does this sentiment have you thinking?

This idea helped me make sense of the different relationships we encounter throughout our lives. And perhaps what resonated most was how it reinforced something I’ve been learning through my own journey. Through reading, parenting, my career, and life’s many experiences, I’ve become more intentional about judging less, seeking to understand more, and appreciating people for who they are rather than who I might expect them to be.

We don’t need every relationship to be everything.

The Relationships We Carry With Us

Around the same time, I had a long phone conversation with my former colleague, Natasha Nurse who has remained a dear friend.

We spent years working together as instructional coaches, learning alongside one another, sharing ideas, navigating challenges, and cheering each other on.

Although we rarely see each other now, that connection remains.

She’s been a tremendous supporter of my writing and the work I do in the greater educational community. She even contributed to my book, The Leader Inside.

These days, our phone visits happen whenever we find an opening. Sometimes that’s during a walk, on my drive home, or while waiting for my son to finish baseball practice.

This particular conversation was about celebrating her inaugural episode as co-host of The Authority Podcast. I was so excited for her! If you have an opportunity, I invite you to check it out because it’s awesome, and she happens to feature our mutual connection, my dear friend Lainie Rowell.

Different roles. Different paths. Still cheering each other on. And that is special.

Then, later that week, I found myself in a conversation with a current colleague. We aren’t particularly close outside of work, but we frequently exchange ideas, think through challenges, and learn from one another.

Our connection looks different. And that doesn’t make it any less valuable.

Three conversations. Three relationships. Three different experiences. And Grant’s framework helped me see them through a different lens.

My high school friend and I are pals, connected through years of laughter and shared experiences. Our enduring care for one another also reflects companionship.

My former colleague and I became allies through our professional goals. Over time, that relationship grew into something deeper. Even though we no longer work together, we remain invested in each other’s growth and happiness.

My current colleague and I are allies. We share professional goals and bring different perspectives to our work. Our connection is rooted in the work we do together, and there is tremendous value in the different perspectives we bring to it.

I’m realizing that sometimes we create disappointment by expecting people to show up in ways that don’t reflect the connection we actually share.

What if, instead, we appreciated the different ways people contribute to our lives?

Making Connections That Matter

Another part of the conversation resonated deeply with me. Grant discussed dormant ties, relationships that become less active as our lives change. He shared a thought that I loved: “We have a whole reservoir of future friends that we’re not thinking about and they’re actually our old friends.”

It reminded me of the evening with my high school friend. We didn’t need to recreate our friendship. We simply made room to reconnect.

But connection doesn’t always require a long visit or conversation. Sometimes it’s nurtured through the smallest gestures.

Grant introduced the concept of pebbling, the small, intentional act of sharing something with another person because it made you think of them.

A podcast. An article. A book. A photograph. A meme. I do this all the time! When something resonates with me, I often send it to someone with a simple message: “Hey, give this a listen. It made me think of you.”

For me, that’s an act of care. As Grant explained, “Every pebble is a bid for connection.” I loved that.

These small gestures are reminders that someone crossed our mind, even when we don’t have the opportunity to connect as often as we’d like.

And that brings me back to leadership.

What This Means for Education and Leadership

Schools are filled with relationships that serve different purposes.

In my own leadership work, I see this every day. Some colleagues are the people I turn to when I need to think through an instructional challenge. Others help me see a situation differently. And some have become trusted friends along the way.

Each connection brings something meaningful to the work, even when the relationships look different.

As educational leaders, we place enormous emphasis on building relationships. But I wonder if we sometimes overlook that meaningful relationships don’t need to look the same for everyone.

Not every colleague needs to become a close friend. Not every professional conversation needs to lead to a deeper personal connection.

But every interaction is an opportunity to make someone feel seen, valued, and respected.

Grant reminded listeners that connection isn’t always something we simply find. It’s something we can build through routines, rituals, and intentional interactions.

We can create conditions for people to collaborate, celebrate one another’s growth, share their thinking, and recognize the strengths each person brings.

Sometimes that happens through opportunities to learn together. Other times, it’s a thoughtful check-in, a shared resource, or a quick message celebrating someone’s success.

These moments might seem small, but they help shape the communities we learn and lead in.

Not every connection has to look the same.

And perhaps part of leadership is recognizing that we don’t need to have the same expectations of every relationship. We can appreciate people for the different ways they contribute, while being intentional about how we show up for one another.

Making Room for Connection

As I reflect on these three conversations, I find myself thinking about the people who have come into my life for minutes, hours, days, months, or years. I write about this in my book The Leader Inside, and I continue to see how each connection can serve a different purpose.

Some people share our history. Others share our goals. And some help us grow in ways we might not have anticipated.

Who have you been meaning to reconnect with? And are there relationships in your life you might appreciate differently if you simply allowed them to be what they are?

I’ve been thinking again about that evening with my high school friend. About the stories we shared, the laughter, and the years that somehow felt like they hadn’t passed at all.

Maybe the measure of a meaningful relationship isn’t how often we connect or how many things we have in common. Maybe it’s recognizing the value of the connection we share and making room for it, whatever form it takes.

Some relationships are built through years of shared memories. Others grow through common goals, mutual encouragement, or the everyday moments of working alongside one another.

They don’t all have to become something more to matter. Not every connection has to look the same.