In education, embodying a coaching mindset is understanding that growth isn’t about giving answers, it’s about creating space for discovery. A coaching mindset is grounded in the belief that educators hold the capacity to grow, and our role is to support that growth through trust, curiosity, and intentional presence. It’s about asking, not telling. Walking alongside, not ahead. When we lead this way, we empower others to find confidence not through our approval, but through their own reflection and refinement.

I’m currently reading The Next Conversation by Jefferson Fisher, which offers powerful guidance on using assertive communication to build clarity, confidence, and connection. Although it isn’t a coaching book specifically for educators, the ideas align deeply with how I view leadership: grounded in curiosity, clarity, and trust.

As leaders who coach, the conversations we have, the words we choose, and the spaces we create all shape the conditions for growth.

Let’s reframe Fisher’s first three assertiveness lessons through the lens of instructional leadership and a coaching mindset, giving each one a name that captures its relevance to our work.

Lesson 1: Speak with Purpose (Every Word Matters)

Fisher opens with a truth that resonates deeply: “The language you choose—each and every word you select—directly impacts your ability to assert yourself.”

When we lead with a coaching mindset, our language matters. Subtle shifts can either empower or unintentionally limit reflection. Coaching is about creating space for others to hear their own thinking, not just ours.

Consider the difference:

“I just wanted to check in…” → “I’m checking in to learn more about your small group instruction.”
“I guess that went okay?” → “You used intentional prompting, and students responded with clarity.”

Words like just, maybe, I guess, and sort of soften our impact. Speaking with intention reminds teachers they are seen, capable, and trusted. Every word we choose can either lift someone toward growth or quietly limit it.

Coaching Moves You Can Try:

Use “What did you notice about…?” instead of “Did you think it went well?”
Replace “I think you should…” with “What options are you considering?”

Lesson 2: Grow Through Doing (Confidence Comes from Action)

“Confidence is found in the doing,” Fisher writes and I couldn’t agree more.

As leaders, it’s not enough to give praise; we have to create opportunities for action, reflection, and celebration. Confidence flourishes when educators see their own success through their own actions.

Instead of “telling” growth, we create small, actionable next steps:

“What’s one strategy you’ll try during tomorrow’s lesson?”
“How might you introduce accountable talk in your next read aloud?”

Then we follow up, not to evaluate, but to reflect and celebrate what they discovered about themselves.

Recently, I sat in a reflective conversation where a teacher named their next step aloud: “Tomorrow, I’m trying a new structure for student-led discussions.” Watching her own words build her confidence was a reminder: coaching isn’t about the push; it’s about the space.

Coaching Moves You Can Try:

After an observation, ask: “What are you proud of from today’s lesson?”
Encourage saying out loud: “I’m trying a new close reading structure in reading today” — reinforcing positive risk-taking.
Model growth language yourself: “I’m working on embedding more wait time into our team meetings.”

Lesson 3: Ask Clearly, Lead Boldly (Name Needs Without Apology)

Fisher reminds us that expressing needs isn’t selfish, it’s essential to growth.

In schools, teachers sometimes hesitate to advocate for what they need. A coaching mindset shifts that culture. It says: “Your voice matters.”

Imagine the shift:

Before: “Sorry to ask, but could I get help with my small groups?”
After: “I would appreciate coaching support around small group differentiation.”

Coaching builds the capacity to name needs with clarity and confidence and to see asking as a strength, not a weakness.

Coaching Moves You Can Try:

Normalize “I need” language:
- “I need a planning partner for integrating STEAM projects.”
- “I need clarification on the expectations for Tier 2 interventions.”
Encourage teachers to frame requests in strengths-based ways:
- “I’m building toward _____ and could use feedback on _____.”

By modeling and celebrating clear, direct communication, we build a culture rooted in professionalism, partnership, and trust.

Moving Forward: The Heart of Coaching

Assertiveness in leadership isn’t about volume, it’s about clarity.
It’s not about control, it’s about connection.
It’s not about being the expert, it’s about being present enough to ask: “How can I help you grow?”

Instructional leaders who coach build confidence through their presence, language, and trust. They create conditions where teachers and ultimately students can thrive.

As I wrote in my book The Leader Inside:

“Gifts live within exceptional educators, waiting to be unwrapped at the right place, at the right time, with the right people.”

Coaching is about becoming one of those right people.

When you walk into a classroom, sit beside a teacher in reflection, or hit “send” on your next follow-up email, I invite you to remember:

Confidence isn’t something you give. It’s something you help others discover.

One conversation at a time.

One moment of belief at a time.

Actionable Ideas to Implement Tomorrow

Use the Coaching with Confidence Guide as a reflective tool with your leadership teams to spark conversations about coaching language, presence, and trust.
Explore the Coaching Language Examples Document for additional phrases and strategies aligned to each of the three coaching lessons. These examples are designed to support coaching conversations, leadership moves, and ongoing professional reflection in your schools.