This week, I found myself in some important conversations with administrators, with teachers, and honestly, with myself. These weren’t just check-in conversations or progress updates. They were real. They circled us back to the relationships we’ve built and reminded us of our shared why: we are a team, here to make teaching and learning better for students.

And isn’t that what education and leadership is all about?

Lately, I’ve been reading The Next Conversation by Jefferson Fisher. In Chapter 3, he writes, “You’re living in a world of transmission, not connection.” That line stopped me. How often do we move through our days sending messages, delivering information, offering support but without actually connecting? I know I’ve done it, even though that was never my intention. And it never will be.

As leaders, especially those of us coaching others, it’s easy to slip into “fix-it” mode or stay in the safety of surface-level check-ins. But what our teachers and colleagues often need from us isn’t more transmission. It’s more presence. It’s more curiosity. It’s more listening.

Here are a few coaching stems I’ve been leaning on lately to stay grounded in connection:

• What are you most proud of right now?
  
• What do you need most from me in this moment?
  
• Can you help me understand what led you to that choice?
  
• Is there something you’re holding back that might be helpful for me to hear?
  

These questions don’t come with an agenda. They come with an open heart.

Most of the time, after listening, I don’t answer right away. I process everything I have just heard. I’ll then validate the person’s concerns and summarize what they shared by saying, “I just want to make sure I’m understanding what you’re sharing with me,” and I always thank them for trusting me and opening up. After that, I’ll share a story, especially when I sense someone needs to know they’re not alone in the discomfort of growth.

I’ve had moments where a professional learning session I led or even a conversation I had didn’t go the way I had hoped. I’ve walked away wondering, Was that helpful? Did I connect? Did I say too much? Not enough? I’ll never forget,when I was an instructional coach one particular session I had poured my heart into. Afterward, I handed out a feedback form, eager to learn and grow. As the responses came in, one comment made me pause. It wasn’t harsh, but it landed in a way that made me reflect deeply. That familiar voice of self-doubt crept in: Who am I to be doing this work? Do they think I’m trying to sound like I have it all figured out?

But I reminded myself: feedback is a gift. And discomfort is a teacher. I sat with it. I read it again. And then I reached out to the person who had shared it. I said, “Thank you for your honesty. Would you be willing to help me understand more about what you meant?” That conversation turned into one of the most honest and growth-filled exchanges I’ve had. And because of it, our connection deepened. Since then, I’ve become more comfortable being uncomfortable because I know that truth builds trust.

As I reflect on that moment, I’m reminded of a line from my book, The Leader Inside: “Growth and comfort cannot coexist.” Leading with curiosity, courage, and care often means stepping into discomfort, not because we have all the answers, but because we’re willing to grow alongside others.

At the end of this week, after having a few more hard but honest conversations, I received several messages I hadn’t anticipated. One in particular stayed with me:

“Hi Lauren. Thank you so much for truly hearing us today. We are so grateful for how much you care and truly are so glad to have you as our person. We appreciate all you do for us.”

I’m not sharing this to pat myself on the back, I’m sharing it to show that when we lean into hard conversations with a coaching mindset and a willingness to make things better, we create real connection. We create space for trust, vulnerability, and growth. That’s what coaching is really about.

Below is a visual, generated through NapkinAI, that you can use with your teams to reflect and grow together through this process:

Moving Forward

Simon Sinek reminds us that “People don’t buy what you do; they buy why you do it.” And when we lead through connection through truth, curiosity, and care, we make our why visible. We model the kind of culture we want to build: one where it’s safe to learn out loud, to ask for help, to give and receive feedback, and to grow together.

So if you’re heading into a difficult conversation this week, I’ll leave you with this:
Lead it with your why. Listen with your heart. Ask with curiosity. And don’t be afraid to share your story.
You’re not just coaching. You’re connecting.

And that makes all the difference.

3 Actionable Ideas to Implement Tomorrow Through a Coaching Mindset:

1. Pause and paraphrase.
   Before responding, say: “Let me make sure I understand what you’re saying…” This shows you’re present, not just preparing your reply.
   
2. Lead with open-ended questions.
   Use prompts like: “What’s feeling most challenging right now?” or “What would support look like for you?” to deepen the conversation.
   
3. Follow up with intention.
   Send a quick note or check-in message after a tough conversation: “Thank you for sharing with me. I’ve been thinking about what you said.” It reinforces connection and care.